Clueless

Well this is all new and exciting.  A BLOG!  Not sure who I'll be sharing it with, or if I'll be sharing it at all.  It's very disconcerting to write things and imagine the reactions ... especially if you write things about the people reading the blog.  That's why I haven't written publicly too often... I worry about hurting people's feelings....  And that's far from the intent.  Usually the intent is a simple story... an event... a feeling, good or bad... just something worth telling someone about....  So, I'm thinking about blogging all the things I can't tell people about for multi-layered reasons... But then there's the times when I find myself telling a story that is just a little too paralelled with the person I'm telling it to... like I want them to "get" the point of it... but I don't even realize what I'm doing ... I swear it's unconscious...and I'm well into the story... when I realize, I kind of have a choice... to change the story and wiggle out of the whole thing gracefully, or go on with it and deal with the reaction.  Usually, I think I do a little of both ...  

So if I blog and don't tell anyone I know about it, then, will anyone get to read it beside me? And do I even care?  I'm totally green in the blog department... I had no idea how they worked at all until a couple of weeks ago.  I think I had an attitude toward them in general - like, what a waste of time to be reading the trials and life lessons of people I don't know.  I think too - that reading the comment section of so many news articles and the old message boards on AOL in the 90's soured me toward "sharing" with strangers on the internet.  Maybe it was the boards I chose, but it sure seemed like everyone was on a major "me" trip and was shoving their opinions down each others' throats, and often in a less than polite fashion.   Or they were trying to "get" something from other people; or they thought they were "special" and had some "special" message to put forth.  Still, I was drawn to them.  I'd wake up in the morning and it was as if my computer sucked me in like Svengali.  I'd read the few emails in the mailbox.  Hardly anyone was online in 94 when I bought our first computer, so believe me, 3 or 4 was a lot of contacts back then - at least in my circle of friends.  Then I'd go like a lemming to the chatroom or message board and read the new posts and make comments.  I learned about things I never knew existed -  like what the hell is a "fluffer?"  I went over 40 years without knowing that word...other than as part of an advertising campaign for marshmallow goo.  So I learned a lot from those places.... and I spent a lot of money on internet time.  

So, looking back, I believe I was bored and deliberately distracting myself from the boredom of housekeeping and mom-hood.  I didn't know what direction to take at that point in my life.   My children were in grammar school at the time.  And I really was never drawn to housework... I love to cook - but dishes?  ugh!   I remember hearing Ann Richards back then, talking about her gravestone and I so identified..... I can't find the quote on the web, but she says something to the effect that she doesn't want her tombstone to sing the accolades of a good housekeeper!   

But here I was spending upwards of 6 hours a day distracting myself from the real world... I'm sure it went beyond that sometimes too, and if the hubby was home, we were both vying for the computer.  But I bought it for the kid's education!!!!  Seriously!!!

Oh, I have to let any potential blog readers know that I could have to just stop in the middle of writing like now!!!!